This is aimed at a tiny, tiny minority but I’m so riled right now by the holidaymaker who has just shouted at me. By and large people are lovely but some people are just rude and this goes out to them. Sleeve rolled up, here we go. We are not slow or stupid down here and we do speak English so there’s no need to sneer at us or speak loudly or slowly. If we’re looking dumbfounded it may simply be down to the shock at hearing such a ridiculous or offensive statement.
If you can’t reverse your car please consider if you should be driving? Please don’t sit and stare at me and wave me imperiously back. You have a passing space 3 meters behind you, mine is half a mile back. I know this because I live here, I’m not being mean or difficult but all you have to do is reverse your car 3 meters. And please don’t shout at me. I know my car is shabby and dirty and yours is huge and shiny but when I pull over to let you pass, would you also mind moving over? I know the lane is narrow and bordered by stone and thorns but unless we both squeeze in we won’t pass each other.
Incidentally, if you’re towing a caravan or driving a campervan please don’t take the interesting shortcut. Please. Cornish lanes are rubbish for anything larger than a car, they narrow down in the blink of an eye and all signs instantly disappear, no junction or cross road is going to give you a clue. Oh and don’t rely on your sat nav, because if it’s wrong it’s a right struggle to reverse 2 miles uphill.
Yes, the parking is expensive but we have to pay it as well – all year, not just for the week. Mevagissey is a village, how many of your villages have free cash points. It’s not my fault that you have no mobile phone reception; I have, so it’s not because we’re in the back of beyond but rather because your network provider is pants.
We are a historic fishing village, the cobbles stay. The widths of the roads are pretty much determined by the houses so I’m sorry but we can’t add pavements. We don’t mean to make it a “death trap” but we’re not going to close the village to traffic, we live and work here, we have to get in and out. I know that the roads are only one car wide but we are still two way on all the roads – yes I know that can make life tricky but there we go.
And whilst we’re at it, this is a bookshop not a crèche, at 6pm I do not expect you to leave your son in here reading whilst you go for a pint next door. Speaking of food and drink, don’t bring it in here, I can’t sell books covered in ice cream and don’t sneer at me when I asked you in a really friendly voice to put the pasty away, I know your dog can clean up the bits of potato that you’ve dropped but that’s not really the point, is it?
To everyone else, you’re lovely; you come in here with such enthusiasm and smiles. Your children are curious, interesting and well mannered, you are engaging and we see you season after season and you make working in the shop great fun. You come back with tales and laughs and make my day. Thank you.
Right, rant over.
To calm me down I’m going to listen to Cantus in memoriam Benjamin Britten by Arvo Part. It is a stunning piece of music. Thanks for letting me rant. Rabbit pie next week!