Obviously with last week’s article running a bit close to the bone, deadline wise, I determined to sit down straightaway and write the next week’s copy. That didn’t quite happen and whilst I’m happily on time this week I’m not as early as I had wanted to be. Of course I have a whole list of excuses as to why this didn’t happen but the main problem is out and out prevarication. I absolutely believe in doing things the minute they need to be done, I just don’t seem to be able to do it. This week has been a timely reminder to live in the “now”. My youngest son has just gone up to senior school and it seems like a whole part of our lives have finished. I spent quite a while worrying if I could have spent more time with both of them when they were little, did I teach them the right things, did I pay enough attention to their concerns. Naturally I suspect I could have done more but I bet we all think like that and probably what we did was just fine. The important part was making the most of the time, at the time. The company I dive with have just changed their business outlook to concentrate on commercial ventures as that is where they want to focus but also so that they can see more of their young family. Whilst I shall miss diving with them it is so clearly the right decision. It always sounds like a cliché ridden card but “live for today” is just so correct. You just don’t know what is around the next corner, you can be sensible and plan properly so that you are prepared for a range of scenarios but you really shouldn’t overthink it because you can’t plan for everything.
So am I living in the now? Hardly, I’m spending all my time worrying about whether or not I let my children watch too much TV as toddlers, should I have talked to them more as babies and so on, then when I’m not worrying about what can’t be changed I’m paralysed by fear of what might come. What if they don’t get on in school, what if they fail their exams, what if they don’t get into University? It doesn’t take much in my mind before they’re on drugs and I’m visiting them in prison. Actually it’s not that bad, my biggest worry is what if I don’t like their girlfriends? What a mess! I’m spending all my time looking forward and backwards and completely forgetting today. I bet I’m not the only one but whilst “live in the now” is easy to say it’s a lot harder to do and as I have already pointed out I’m really good at prevaricating.
However, it’s a sunny day, my children went off to school with smiles on their faces, I have a big list of things to do which I am steadily working through and I am about to tackle three jobs that I have been putting off since forever. I’m cleaning the oven, I’m clearing the garage roof and I’m emptying all the rubbish from the passageway behind the house. Not exactly clean jobs but I’ll feel great when they are done. I’ll let you know which of them I actually did next week.