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June 2012

A bad day on the beach…

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Our first family day on the beach this year proved to be something of a disaster.  My eldest had just bought his first surf board and had been desperate to take it out but we just hadn’t been able to find the right day. Finally we found a day where, we were all at home, no one had any fixtures, the weather, whilst not sunny (ha ha), was also not foul and so we all piled into the car and headed to Gwithian. It was essential to me that we picked a beach with decent surf, never too busy and manned with lifeguards. As I don’t surf, despite numerous attempts, Thomas was going to have to go in the surfing area on his own, body boarders have to stay in a different section of the beach for obvious safety reasons. However, he’s only 13 and though he considers that fully grown, I don’t, so lifeguards or no surfing.  He mucked around for about an hour coming to grips with his new board whilst we all body boarded nearby, after that he was exhausted and came to join us and Steve went back up the beach to read his book.

The weather as I said wasn’t foul but it was incredibly windy, in fact the off shore breeze was so strong that every wave was plumed with a huge shower flying back into the faces of anyone on the wave behind so with big waves and a strong wind we were also getting quite tired. Thomas and I decided to have one last race in to join Finn at the beach and then we would go home. We were chatting and bobbing about waiting for the right wave when I looked up and was horrified to see how far the beach was! Seconds ago I had been able to stand up now I could barely pick Finn out. Thomas and I were amazed at the strength of the wind and started to paddle back in, to no avail. We tried again, nothing. I was now tired and beginning to get alarmed when I looked around to see a lifeguard swim up with her board. I have never been so damn relieved.  She asked if we were OK and any notion of bravado went out the window. Thankfully as we were chatting a big set of waves came in and she asked if we would be able to catch them in, well I may have been knackered and worried but I could still catch a wave and Thomas and I rode it all the way into the shore, it was easily the best ride of the day.  Back in the shallows the lifeguard who had ridden in with us came to double check on us and to explain what had happened.  The wind had pushed us over in front of a rocky outcrop, when a rip developed and that was that. A rip! We were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The bit that amazed me was that I know all about rips; I know how they form, where they form, how fast they move, how to avoid them and if caught in one, how to get out of them.  Having never been in a rip tide though I never realised what they felt like. They feel like nothing. I had always assumed you would feel a current or something.  Had I been less tired I imagine that I would have put two and two together and paddled left or right to get out of the rip rather than towards the shore but I didn’t.
We staggered up the beach happy that we have such a wonderful lifeguard network and better educated about what a rip tide feels like to discover Steve sitting in the lifeguard tower watching all the excitement whilst the lifeguards treated his weaver fish sting! Next time we’re going rock pooling.

Football’s more skillful than rugby!

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Right I am about to stick my neck out and get shot down in a hail of bullets. I will be publicly pilloried, I will shop with a bag over my head but here goes. Football is a more skilful game than rugby. There I’ve said it! Even typing it has made me look over my shoulder to see if anyone saw what I wrote.  Clearly this is not the best county in which to make such a statement but  I’m afraid it’s how I see it.  Now as you know both my sons play and love rugby and if I had to choose to watch a rugby or football match I would always choose the rugby match. I prefer Rugby but if I had to say which is the most skilful then of course it’s football.
Those guys are incredibly fit, they spend the whole 90 minutes running after the ball, there’s no stopping for rucks, mauls, scrums and line outs – it is constant chasing across the field and the whole time you are trying to control a ball with just your feet. Those feet that you are also trying to run with. Just watching the players on TV and their amazing ball control skills is outstanding. Of course Rugby is a skilful game and yes rugby players are stronger, as to who is fitter I’m not sure but which requires the greater skill then it’s football. Recently I heard a daft argument about how a football player wouldn’t last three minutes on a rugby pitch but neither would a cricketer, a sprinter or a swimmer. Rugby is a hard, tough game and very exciting to watch but it’s not for everyone.
This past week I’ve been watching a lot of football, not my choice but everyone else is watching it and as I’ve always said any sport is great to watch when it is being played by the very best (except golf – how can you watch golf? Playing it is fun, watching it is an exercise in tedium.)That said football players are the biggest bunch of babies I have ever seen. I swear these guys will fall over a blade of grass if they think they can get the ref to award a penalty! They are not an impressive bunch and hardly act as role models for future sportsmen. Certainly they are very valuable assets to their club and if they are tackled it makes sense to stay on the ground and check if the bang has caused any serious damage but the tears and histrionics are pathetic. Worse yet is the way they argue with the ref or fail to bellow out their national anthem.

One of the things that always amaze me about football fans though is the split in the types that attend. When you look into the crowd you see the laughter, the tears, the hope and pride all the very best in a nation supporting their country and then there are the idiots. The people that throw rubbish on the pitch, last night someone threw a smoke bomb onto the pitch! They had to stop the game as it got so bad that the goalie couldn’t see the play of the ball.  Why would anyone do that? They no doubt paid good money to get a seat and then they think it’s fun to disrupt the game. For those players nothing is more important than the game they are playing and yet some wally comes along and halts play.
Beyond the pitch football seems to bring out the worst in people, the violence, the racism the sheer minded hooliganism. What is it about this game that attracts this behaviour when it doesn’t happen in cricket or rugby?

Anyway England play tonight and by the time you read this we are hopefully on our way to the next rounds.

An incredible Jubilee weekend.

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It’s been a pretty incredible week hasn’t it? I think looking back this is going to be one of those summers that sticks out like 1976 or 1985.  First we had the torch relay and then we had the Jubilee and what struck me most on each occasion was how incredible it is when we all do something together with smiles on our faces. I don’t think the torch procession really had much to do with our love of the Olympics in the same way that I don’t think our Jubilee celebrations were solely motivated from a love for the Queen.  In fact what I think both of them demonstrated was how proud we are of our country and our neighbourhoods.
How could you fail to be moved by watching all the pomp and ceremony process down the Mall or the grins from children as neighbours piled out onto the streets in the drizzle to have a party with each other?  I have no problem with the monarchy so this may colour how I view the weekend but I thought it was marvelous, how often do we get to have a full on splurge where we just revel in how good we are.  Too often we apologise for things or we look to blame others or we shrug our shoulders and say the country is rubbish but what can be done? But wow – just look at what we can achieve when we want to.
The celebrations were twofold in Mevagissey as it launched its first SeaFest (everything has to be Fest at the moment, have you noticed?) The RNLI and Coastguard were out in force, there was live music all day long and stalls and other events. Spread over two days the weather was kind on both and from all that I’ve heard the event was a huge success. The funds raised are going towards the Mevagissey Christmas Lights which is wonderful as they were beginning to get a bit tired. Even better Jetty Street is going to get some white ribbon lights and Christmas trees so it should look beautiful. 
And it’s not over yet we still have the Olympics to come as well as a few football matches which seem to be causing great excitement in the rest of the household. I’m a very fair weather football fan but if we get to the finals no doubt like the rest of the country I’ll get excited and join in and if we win? I can’t even begin to imagine how pleased that will make people. Oh and of course there’s Wimbledon as well but I’m not putting any money on Murray but there I go being all pessimistic, far too British! I shall learn from our new found spirit of optimism and shout Come on Murray and then when he loses I shall grin ruefully and cross my fingers for next year, in true British style.

Weasel Words

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Steve was looking at an old Zippo the other day and commented on their Lifetime Guarantee, he thought it was a pretty impressive testament to the belief in their product that Zippo were prepared to offer such a guarantee. Now it could be that I’m a picky old soul but to me their offer was good but it was only a lifetime guarantee for the life of their business not of the purchaser’s.  Were they seriously suggesting that if Zippo went bust that they had insurance policies in place so that 50 years later a customer could get their money back if the lighter failed. Even if the company had gone bust 30 years previously?  It’s just not realistic is it? So a lifetime guarantee sounds good but it’s not your lifetime, it’s theirs.  

That’s the whole thing about adverts and advertisers, they are wonderful wordsmiths, the English language is their bread and butter and every single word they use has been thought about.  I remember ASDA used to put on the back of their shampoo bottle “ASDA is against animal testing” Now again I’m being picky but that does not say “This product was not tested on animals” So my thoughts were that the majority of their products were not tested on animals as a preference but that some were. That meant they they could state a positive message but not be held accountable for it.  Am I being too cynical?  I just think a corporate giant like Wal-Mart knows exactly what it means when it says something and so do its lawyers.
I don’t think advertising and product promotion is a bunch of outright lies but I do think it is all about smoke and mirrors and sleight of hand. 
There’s an advert on at the moment for a roll on waxing product that claims 8 out of 10 women who used it would use it again. Sounds good but when would they use it again? Next month? If they were desperate? If they were paid? What’s the pain threshold of these women? The selling points of this product are that it doesn’t burn you and it doesn’t leave a mess. To be fair when looking at a hair removal product these aren’t high on my selling points. I’d be looking for pain free and for length of grow back time.  The fact that it won’t burn me sounds like a plus point but it also won’t electrocute me, or run me over. So they are selling me a concept that isn’t even an issue and making it sound like a positive.
What these adverts are doing are using “weasel words” a phrase coined to mean an empty statement. For example children who eat Nutella have more energy during the day. (Compared to children that had nothing at all for breakfast) 8 out of 10 people agree with reduced jail sentences (those questioned were currently in jail)  “It has been shown that…” Really? Where? “The majority of people think” Prove it! Using “the majority” suggests that if you aren’t part of the club you are out of step and therefore wrong. And even if a majority does think something it doesn’t mean that they are right.
Next time you watch the ads listen out for the weasel words. Oh and I believe the politicians use them from time to time as well.

Jubilee nappies – a step too far.

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Before I go any further let me just state that I am a royalist. I don’t mean that I would fight to the death to uphold the royal family but in the whole scheme of things I think the concept of a monarchy is a benefit not a hindrance. There may be family members within the Winsors that are a liability or a hindrance but I’m not about to go around judging other people’s families lest mine be judged. I may also seethe a bit from time to time about who has what in terms of yachts and palaces and ski holidays but they aren’t the only family to be loaded and “it’s not fair” isn’t a very grown up response to life. I should imagine that when the two Princes wanted to grieve for their mother in private but had the eyes of the world watching them, that they didn’t feel that was very fair either. 
But beyond, the “who has what” and “who does what” and “he’s a bloody liability” is the actual concept of monarchy. It is a historical thread that has run down Britain’s backbone for almost two thousand years.  It has shaped our nation and in turn has shaped the rest of the world. Now it is largely ceremonial but even ceremony is important. Not just for tourism and pomp but for the sense of occasion.  Who would we be without our rituals and our ceremonies? What would Christmas be without the stockings and the Christmas morning walk,  the first day back at school without the back to school treat, the first day on the beach without the freezing cold barbeque? Wimbledon without the strawberries and the rain?  All these little things bring us together and ground us. They remind us of our parents and grandparents, our family, our community and our nation.  There aren’t many things that unite us as a nation but the monarchy is one of those things that we all have in common, love it or loathe it.
That said even I am finding the current Golden Jubilee mania a little wearing.  It’s not the event that is the problem but the commercialisation of it. Again, I have no problem with people making money but yesterday I went to buy a packet of Haribos and the packet was decorated in a Union flag. That most nauseating of American sweet has absolutely no association with the British monarchy and yet there they were, flying the flag. I could have walked around Tesco’s and done my entire shopping purchasing only items with a flag plastered across them.  There was even a box of tissues decorated in the flag and surely that is a step too far.  I don’t want to blow my nose and think of England!  
The problem with the flag is that it is not just the Jubilee, maybe if it was we would see less but as we have the Olympics as well the advertisers are just in a feeding frenzy of patriotic memorabilia which is going to lead to a hysterical meltdown. I don’t want to sound grumpy and I think the whole thing is wonderful it’s just that if I see another inappropriate use of the flag I might have my own hysterical meltdown.

Dirt – David Vann

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Dirt – David Vann. Release Date: June 7th

Dirt is a short, brutal and deeply unsettling book. Told in the third person but always following Galen we see the world through his eyes, immediately it is clear that his home life is unusual. Galen is 22 and lives alone in a large mansion with his mother; the only other characters in this book are Galen’s Aunt, his cousin and his Grandmother. The small cast adds to the claustrophobia of this book as we discover that their wealth, amongst other things, has fractured his family along disturbing lines.

Over the course of a weekend trip to the family mountain lodge Galen’s grip on reality moves from eccentric to dangerous as he is provoked and challenged by his female relatives. It is equally apparent, that everyone else in the family is affected by their hidden past. None of the characters in this book are likeable or even sympathetic despite suggestions of great abuse in their background but the beauty of the simple writing pulls you in as it sucks you down into the nadir of Galen’s madness. It is the clear, fragile writing that carries this book and makes it something quite unforgettable.

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Burn Mark – Laura Powell

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Burn Mark – Laura Powell. Release Date: June 7th

This young adult novel blends witchcraft and gang culture and makes for a refreshing read in a crowded market.

In a London that we almost recognise, gangs and chavs rule the streets, the elite have their private schools and their country clubs but running through all the tensions is witchcraft.  People who develop the talent have to register with the ministry and are then subdued with chains or put to work.  Anyone using magic to kill is burnt at the stake. Sorcery is the domain of the downtrodden and oppressed, anyone who develops the skill is viewed as either scum by the ruling classes or as a talented asset by the under classes.

Into this scenario step Glory and Lucas, Glory comes from a long line of witches but wishes to escape the crime and poverty. Lucas is the heir to the chief Witchfinder but sympathises with the witches brutal suppression.  On the same day they both develop the talent for witchcraft, throwing themselves into each other’s life and onto a path that might change their whole society.

The book is exciting, challenging and very modern.  Even better, it is the start of a series which is going to be a huge hit.

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