At the moment I’m supposed to be concentrating on writing this column but life seems to have jumped into a handcart and is on its way to hell. The chief issue is the printer that seems convinced that the A4 paper that is in the tray is not actually A4. Its way of drawing our attention to the problem is by printing the same packing slip every time with an accompanying note saying that this isn’t A4, so clearly there’s a fault but it has nothing to do with the size of the paper. Now we can’t print any of our customer’s orders and the backlog is building. Typically I am at home and Steve is in the warehouse trying to fix it and trying to flag down the nearest saint so that he may steal their patience because I’m afraid I’ve worn all of his out. It’s hard to know who finds the following sentence more frustrating, “have you wiggled the blue toggle?” I’m exasperated because wiggling the blue toggle would be the first blatantly obvious thing to do. Steve is exasperated because he doesn’t know what a blue toggle is, where to find it or how to wiggle it. In a minute I’ll have to drive back to the warehouse, which I don’t want to do because I’ve just left there and returned home to find the puppy has been sick everywhere, won’t eat her food and is looking pretty fed up with life. I have just cleaned up the wee, poo and sick and I too, am looking pretty fed up with life.
I was going to chat about cookery programmes as they are a nice way for me to switch off and think of new ways of serving some of my favourites. Clarissa Dickson-Wright made me laugh the other night, on the boning of rabbits, she suggested that you could ask your local butcher to do but “really, don’t be so wet!” and on the whole squeamishness about eating bunnies? “Don’t be so ridiculous” It was like having one’s Nanny come and put you straight. Nigel Slater is another favourite for putting together some great tastes but does he have to be so earnest in his delivery? He sounds like he’s addressing NATO and Lex Luther has the bomb! It’s only anchovies Nigel, breathe deeply. His current series is all about making leftovers last to another meal. Yesterday he cooked a family pie and showed us how to make a lunch out of it the following day. Now clearly Nigel isn’t cooking for a family because the clue is in the title “family pie”. When I cook a family pie it feeds the family, there are no leftovers. Ho hum, the other clue that Nigel isn’t cooking for a family is his ridiculously clean fridge, devoid of any form of junk or basic staples. Just the odd parcel of meat lovingly wrapped in brown paper. Well, he doesn’t live in my world but sometimes I wished I lived in his.
On well back to my life, sorry I’ve not been on form today but it’s all been a bit of a mess. Hope you’re all getting along fine and enjoying a quick break from your daily chores, whatever they may be.